


No.18 Panic Attack

by LiGi



Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Caring Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Good Morgana (Merlin), Hurt Morgana (Merlin), Minor Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Protective Siblings, Whumptober 2020, morgana's magic, no 18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28033824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiGi/pseuds/LiGi
Summary: Whumptober 2020 no 18 - Panic attack/PhobiasEarly series 2 Morgana has a nightmare and accidently unleashes her magic.
Relationships: Gwen & Morgana (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053113
Kudos: 21





	No.18 Panic Attack

**No. 18 – Panic attack / Phobia**

Morgana woke with a scream.

The window slammed open with a force as if a gale whipped outside, but it was a still calm night.

She sat up in bed, her nightdress tangling around her legs as her feet scrabbled for purchase to push her knees up to her chest. Her heart was hammering, her breaths coming in quick short bursts.

It was magic. She was doing magic.

Fear filled her, twisting and worming its way into her head, seeping down her back. Her chest constricted, stealing her breath. Her hands clenched, her fingernails digging into her palms. She snatched at the blankets, gripping them tightly and pulling them higher up her body.

She felt a cold sweat break across her forehead, ice seeming to fill her body as fear sent shivers down her spine. Her whole body shook. She gasped, trying to breathe, but her throat had tightened, her chest rising and falling rapidly. She screamed again.

The glass in the window shattered.

“Gwen!”

She clawed at the blankets, hugging them around herself, trying to keep breathing. She could feel her heartbeat, pounding in her ears, filling her head with a thumping rushing sound.

Tears streamed down her face, she couldn’t stop them. She was frozen in place, gasping and shaking. It felt like her heart was going to burst from her chest.

“Gwen!”

Her stomach was churning, bile rising up her throat, searing her insides. She wrapped her arms and the blankets tighter around her middle. Whimpering and crying. Her chest hurt, her head hurt. Her vision was tunnelling, the sight of the broken window all she could see.

The sound of the door opening made Morgana scream again, but it was only Gwen. She was in her nightdress and carrying a small candle as she hurried forwards. She set the candle on the table beside Morgana’s bed and perched on the edge of the mattress.

Morgana threw herself into Gwen’s arms, sobbing. Gwen rubbed her back, stroked her hair and muttered reassurances but Morgana couldn’t hear them.

The open, glassless window swung shut, banging against the frame, rattling in time with her fast heartbeat. She still couldn’t breathe properly. She put her hands to her head, fingernails digging into her scalp as she clawed through her hair. As if she could rake the horrid magic out of her mind.

“Calm down, it’s alright, it was just a dream,” Gwen whispered, gently pulling Morgana’s hands from her hair. Some caught and the sharp sting of pain as the hairs pulled out made her cry harder.

She was struggling against Gwen, screaming and sobbing, desperate to make the window stop shaking.

“I’m sorry.” Gwen sounded near tears herself, trying to hold Morgana’s arms still.

The door slammed open making both Morgana and Gwen scream. Arthur, dressed only in a nightshirt and smallclothes, burst into the room. He was barefooted and tousle haired, but his eyes were awake and alert, his sword raised in front of him.

“Morgana!” His gaze swept over her and Gwen then darted around the room. He took a step forward, his sword poised. “What is it? Is someone in here?”

“No! I – I…” Her eyes darted to the window. She couldn’t tell him. He’d kill her if he knew she had magic, her irrational mind told her. Her hands shook as they balled into fists. Fresh waves of panic rolled over her. Her breath stuck in her throat.

“I heard you screaming,” he said uncertainly, his sword point dipping slightly.

“It was a nightmare, my lord,” Gwen said slowly, not quite looking at Arthur.

Arthur strode to the window, reaching to pull it shut but freezing when he noticed the smashed glass.

“What happened to the window?” He turned, his brow furrowed.

Morgana could only cry, curling over her knees and burying her face in the blanket. She felt Gwen shift slightly, her arm coming around Morgana’s back, pulling her into a hug. She collapsed against her friend.

“I don’t know, my lord,” Gwen said. “It was like that when I got here. Maybe the wind?”

“There is no wind,” Arthur said. She heard him latch the window.

He was going to guess. Arthur was going to find out she had magic. Morgana wailed, her heart pounding faster. He’d know and he’d tell Uther. And then they’d have her executed. Each breath came out as a whimper, her sobs catching in her throat as she gasped for breath. She had never been so afraid.

Gwen began stroking her hair again, calming Morgana’s trembling.

“Hush, my lady. It’s alright.” She spoke softly, like she was calming a frightened horse.

Arthur took a step back towards her, his sword still gripped firmly in his hand. She struggled and thrashed in Gwen’s grip, trying to get away from Arthur’s sword. All the muscles down her back tensed, holding her rigid, but for the fluttering of her chest, still panting too fast.

The candle Gwen had left on the bedside table flared, the flames whipping higher.

Morgana shrieked and the flame died. Extinguished without even a puff of smoke.

Gwen and Arthur both stared at it, but Morgana couldn’t look. She threw her hands over her face, feeling tears cascade down over her palms.

“Sorcery…” Arthur said quietly. It was scary how much he sounded like Uther.

This was it. He knew. He would kill her.

Morgana cried harder. Gwen’s hand shook where it was rested on Morgana’s arm.

“There must be a sorcerer hiding somewhere in the castle,” Arthur said, turning away from Morgana and stalking around her room, swishing his sword at the curtains and behind her dressing screen. “They’re trying to hurt you.”

Morgana gulped on the sobs that ripped from her throat. Gwen pulled her closer, putting her arms tightly around her shoulders, shushing in her ear.

“They’re not in here,” Arthur declared once he’d been around the room twice. “I’ll alert the guards and have the castle swept.” He left the room.

“Shh, don’t worry, Morgana,” Gwen whispered to her, rocking her soothingly. “Arthur will keep you safe.”

After a long while Morgana managed to nod and pull herself more upright. She could feel the panic subsiding slowly, simmering low in her chest now. Arthur didn’t know it was her. Her breathing was shuddering back into a more regular rhythm.

A gentle knock at the door and Arthur reappeared. Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks at the sight of him. He moved swiftly over to the table at the other side of the room, where he put his sword down and filled a goblet from Morgana’s water jug.

He came over and awkwardly sat on the edge of the bed, trying not to get too close to Gwen and not meeting her eye. He put one hand on Morgana’s knee, passing her the goblet. Her hand trembled as she raised it and Gwen put her own hand over hers to steady it as she put it to her lips. She couldn’t take more than a small sip past the lump in her throat. She let the goblet rest on her knees, wrapping both hands around it and focussing on the ripples across the surface of the water so she didn’t have to look at Arthur or Gwen.

“Don’t worry,” he said, his voice deep and reassuring. “You’re safe.”

A tear dripped into the goblet. Arthur gently reached up and brushed her cheek, then dried his fingers on her blanket. Morgana was surprised as a small jolt in her chest made a smile tug at her lips.

Arthur gave her a soft smile in return. It was a rare expression on him, but the one Morgana had come to love from her pseudo little brother.

“Come.” He held out his hand, she took it, pleased that her own had almost stopped shaking. “You can sleep in my chambers. Merlin will make up a bed. In fact, have my bed, I’ll stay awake and guard you.”

Morgana’s lower lip wobbled but she sucked it in and bit it, blinking as more tears stuck her eyelashes together.

Gwen took the goblet as Arthur pulled Morgana to her feet. Putting it beside the extinguished candle on the table, Gwen pulled the blanket from the bed and draped it around Morgana’s shoulders. Morgana caught her hand and smiled.

“And Gwen?” she whispered to Arthur, her hand gripping tightly at her maid’s.

Arthur glanced at Gwen and blushed. “Uh… um, yes. Of course.”

He collected his sword from the table and strode out of the room, looking back over his shoulder to check Morgana and Gwen were following him.

Morgana sniffed, holding the blanket tightly to her chest, her hand against her heart. It had slowed to nearly its normal rhythm.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I love any and all comments!


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